by Mather Schneider
Winona has a poetry blog.
It’s called The Molten Word.
It is a place where literary PHDs and MFAs gather
and pass judgment on the
They call themselves “Molters”.
One day on her blog Winona posted this:
MATHER SCHNEIDER OF THE
ABYSMAL IGNORANCE GO AWAY.
Next day she deleted that and wrote this:
DEAR TWEEZER DICK YOU WILL
NOT BE ALLOWED TO POST HERE.
She was mad because I had written her privately
and called one of her many
Then she wrote:
SEND ME A POEM AND WE WILL SEE
HOW SMART YOU ARE
PUT YOUR CAB TIPS WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.
I sent her a poem
and all her PHD and MFA friends wrote long paragraphs
with high sounding language
and at the end the only real advice they had was
to change the word “last” to “the last”
in line 6,
because “last” was such an obvious use
of “archaic language”.
Then here came an email from Winona:
“Well Mather this was a
good start for someone with no training.
I think I made my point that my
friends are fair.
it’s never too late to go back to school.
You should think about that because
it seems like a real
sore spot for you.”
Fuck you, Winona, I wrote her
and she posted THAT on her blog
all up in arms
screaming at my impudence:
TWEEZER DICK STRIKES AGAIN!
Because really the only proper response
was to thank her and bless her
wisdom and kindness.
The next day she deleted all the posts about me
and was talking about a poet named Howler Mcughs
who got her MFA last semester and is